Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!
Is it really Christmas, already? I'm not nearly ready for it to be here. Didn't I just put up and then take away all the decorations?
Ten bins of Christmas stuff... This year only 2 were used. Guilt, guilt and more guilt, for not decorating each room they way I have in previous years and only putting up the one main tree.
The girls looked at me like I was crazy when I said I was done decorating after choosing to only decorate the family room. Reality is, I am TIRED! The more I put up, the more I have to take down, in what feels like the next day.
I'll see about next year...
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
I, Time Keeper
As each hand in the clock moves, round and round, the same way each hour, time passes. This is the clock’s repetitive and mechanical job and our routine to keep watch. There is a mechanism within that allows it to tell us, to remind us that time is pushing on, moving forward, never stopping. Though the clock resets it self at midnight continuing to repeat its pattern, we move forward. No repeating, no going back.
Moments turn to memories, and memories are held tight, to ensure they become captured, embraced by my full soul, not taken fore granted or brushed away, not wanting then to be forgotten.
I seem to be a hostage of time and all its value. I am held in moments, while the days, months, and years slip through my grasp as easily as the sand run through an hour glass.
As a child, time seemed to stand still. I see that in my girls. The sense of urgency or rush does not exist, not until adulthood sets in. I remember summer’s seemed as if they had lasted an eternity. Vacations felt like and endless adventure. Now, it feels as if minutes turn to hours, days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. Memories and moments all created and all happening faster than I can wrap my head around.
Comparable to a butterfly, in all its glory, fluttering above through an open field, time can not be captured. My eagerness to take hold of time similar to the opened arms of a child, running, chasing the butterfly through the field, wanting to just grasp and hold tight. The stronger the chase is the faster the butterfly moves.
A top a clock the butterfly will settle. A clock, the very mechanism that reminds us of the time passing, moving whether it be slow as in childhood, or quickly in adulthood.
Moments turn to memories, and memories are held tight, to ensure they become captured, embraced by my full soul, not taken fore granted or brushed away, not wanting then to be forgotten.
I seem to be a hostage of time and all its value. I am held in moments, while the days, months, and years slip through my grasp as easily as the sand run through an hour glass.
As a child, time seemed to stand still. I see that in my girls. The sense of urgency or rush does not exist, not until adulthood sets in. I remember summer’s seemed as if they had lasted an eternity. Vacations felt like and endless adventure. Now, it feels as if minutes turn to hours, days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. Memories and moments all created and all happening faster than I can wrap my head around.
Comparable to a butterfly, in all its glory, fluttering above through an open field, time can not be captured. My eagerness to take hold of time similar to the opened arms of a child, running, chasing the butterfly through the field, wanting to just grasp and hold tight. The stronger the chase is the faster the butterfly moves.
A top a clock the butterfly will settle. A clock, the very mechanism that reminds us of the time passing, moving whether it be slow as in childhood, or quickly in adulthood.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I, Catalyst
On some days, frustration fills the air. There is a tense, undeserving silence that is heard throughout the house.
On other days, warmth and happiness spread throughout the house, like a wave engulfing all that it reaches.
When the kids are "making me frustrated", my lack of patience is obvious and my tolerance is at zero.
I have learned that I am not reacting to their behavior; they are reacting to MY behavior.
I am the catalyst within the house. MY mood seems to set the tone. When I am calm, the house is calm. When I am tense the house becomes tense.
Sure, kids are trying in every sense of the word and will work every last nerve I have, but how I learn to handle the situation, sets the tone for the kids, and in turn, how the rest of the day goes...
On other days, warmth and happiness spread throughout the house, like a wave engulfing all that it reaches.
When the kids are "making me frustrated", my lack of patience is obvious and my tolerance is at zero.
I have learned that I am not reacting to their behavior; they are reacting to MY behavior.
I am the catalyst within the house. MY mood seems to set the tone. When I am calm, the house is calm. When I am tense the house becomes tense.
Sure, kids are trying in every sense of the word and will work every last nerve I have, but how I learn to handle the situation, sets the tone for the kids, and in turn, how the rest of the day goes...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Mama Drama
Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!
Last night, I unloaded my car full of shopping bags and groceries and made my way up what seemed to be a million stairs, unbalance and hoping to make it up the stairs without falling. I put away the groceries, dinner from earlier, and gifts I had purchased for Christmas. All the while feeling that even if for a brief moment, I closed my eyes, I would definitely fall to the floor passed out! I manage to finish up and make my way to my bedroom where I find laundry spread out on my bed, at least 3 loads. I then fold and put away what seems to be an endless pile of clothes, my hands unsteady and eyes unfocused! Finally, I shower. Slow motion seems to be the speed I am going (at least in my head). I am barely able to hold myself up, my bones feel heavy, and I am now ready to sleep. I pass out!
I am awaked in the middle of the night by a horrible nightmare that I can not shake...
Reminiscent of my younger (pre-kids) days, I felt completely drunk. The difference no is there was no alcohol involved. It was just plain exhaustion. It seems life eventually catches up to us all...
On the brighter-side, at least I didn't wake up with a hang-over.
Last night, I unloaded my car full of shopping bags and groceries and made my way up what seemed to be a million stairs, unbalance and hoping to make it up the stairs without falling. I put away the groceries, dinner from earlier, and gifts I had purchased for Christmas. All the while feeling that even if for a brief moment, I closed my eyes, I would definitely fall to the floor passed out! I manage to finish up and make my way to my bedroom where I find laundry spread out on my bed, at least 3 loads. I then fold and put away what seems to be an endless pile of clothes, my hands unsteady and eyes unfocused! Finally, I shower. Slow motion seems to be the speed I am going (at least in my head). I am barely able to hold myself up, my bones feel heavy, and I am now ready to sleep. I pass out!
I am awaked in the middle of the night by a horrible nightmare that I can not shake...
Reminiscent of my younger (pre-kids) days, I felt completely drunk. The difference no is there was no alcohol involved. It was just plain exhaustion. It seems life eventually catches up to us all...
On the brighter-side, at least I didn't wake up with a hang-over.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I, Student
Before I am a teacher, I must first be the student. This is a continuous process of growing and learning for both me and my girls. This constant state of parenting will continue for as long as I want to be efficient in parenting my children. I am here to help guide them, teach them, and encourage them. So first, I must know them.
There is no “cookie cutter” way of parenting. There are useful ideas, hints, and help is always welcome, but I’ve learned that I must first discover each individual personality. Each child has their own set of "corks", their own degrees of sensitivity and individual needs.
Sometimes, I can group the girls all under the title- “my girls”, but in reality they have their own individual identity. Each girl is their own character, put forth with a different personality. When I am able to know my girls as individuals, is usually when I am most effective in teaching and taking care of them.
Isabella-Like most first born females, was born 25! Usually a nurturing, yet serious disposition…
Lex- The classic middle child. I always say I have 1, 2, 3 & 3. The twins are both considered 3! Therefore, she takes on the constant struggle between being a big girl like, Belle, and being younger like her baby sisters. Her spirit is unmatched, she rules the world…
Dani & Katie- They are our “babies”. They represent all that a child is- free spirits, which for now are vibrant and brave…
Though, each of my girls share amazing similarities and great parallels in personalities, they each encompass a wonderful uniqueness. Their similarities and differences divide as well as bring together wondrous ideas, thoughts, and great love. When I recognize each of them and appreciate the differences, is when they start to respond and accept what I am trying to teach them. I love and nurture each of them as individuals, and all as my daughters. Isabella, Alexandra, Danielle and Katherine, are my teachers…
There is no “cookie cutter” way of parenting. There are useful ideas, hints, and help is always welcome, but I’ve learned that I must first discover each individual personality. Each child has their own set of "corks", their own degrees of sensitivity and individual needs.
Sometimes, I can group the girls all under the title- “my girls”, but in reality they have their own individual identity. Each girl is their own character, put forth with a different personality. When I am able to know my girls as individuals, is usually when I am most effective in teaching and taking care of them.
Isabella-Like most first born females, was born 25! Usually a nurturing, yet serious disposition…
Lex- The classic middle child. I always say I have 1, 2, 3 & 3. The twins are both considered 3! Therefore, she takes on the constant struggle between being a big girl like, Belle, and being younger like her baby sisters. Her spirit is unmatched, she rules the world…
Dani & Katie- They are our “babies”. They represent all that a child is- free spirits, which for now are vibrant and brave…
Though, each of my girls share amazing similarities and great parallels in personalities, they each encompass a wonderful uniqueness. Their similarities and differences divide as well as bring together wondrous ideas, thoughts, and great love. When I recognize each of them and appreciate the differences, is when they start to respond and accept what I am trying to teach them. I love and nurture each of them as individuals, and all as my daughters. Isabella, Alexandra, Danielle and Katherine, are my teachers…
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Confessions
As part of my blog I will now start a new type of post:
Confessions of Mama Drama Queen!
These posts will be titled:
"Confessions"
The posts will most likely be short (some of the time), and to the point.
Confession:
I can't wait until the clock strikes 7 and the girls are down! I am so exhausted I should probably go to sleep when they do, but I don't. I sit. I watch mindless TV until I pry myself up to bed!
Confessions of Mama Drama Queen!
These posts will be titled:
"Confessions"
The posts will most likely be short (some of the time), and to the point.
Confession:
I can't wait until the clock strikes 7 and the girls are down! I am so exhausted I should probably go to sleep when they do, but I don't. I sit. I watch mindless TV until I pry myself up to bed!
Monday, August 31, 2009
I am a Contradiction...
Motherhood consists of a series of inconsistencies.
As a mother I contradict myself at every turn.
-It's too early for sugar, yet I have my morning coffee with something sweet.
-I yell out at our kids to "stop yelling".
-While applying my make-up, my girls are always asking to wear some and I always say, "you are beautiful with out make-up, you don’t ever need to wear any"- as I'm trying to make myself up!
-“Don’t run in the house, you’re going to slip and break your head”. What makes running outside any safer? In fact it seems the injury would probably be worse outside.
-I often catch myself saying "will you stop being silly". HELLO they are KIDS, which means they are going to act silly!
Here’s my vice, which I can’t help and don’t think I’ll ever change. I tell them (well, at least Lexi): “You need to sleep in your bed all night”. I secretly love when they come to cuddle with me and I won't turn them away.
I open my eyes, it feels like I just closed them, but in reality it’s the twilight of the night. There is a dark and quiet calmness that has settled in the house. I feel a presence around that awakens me from the stillness of my slumber. I slowly open my eyes. My little girl, with her eyes barely opened- talking in tongues, tells me “mommy can I sleep with you?” I know I should take her little hand, walk her back to her bed, give her a gentle kiss on the forehead and tell her everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you. Instead, I pick her up, lay her next to me, give her a gentle kiss on the cheek and tell her, everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you.
I’m sure no matter how much effort is put forth, I know it will happen on many more occasions. It seems for me, motherhood is a series contradictions and cover-ups that at least for now seem to be in the best interest of my children…
As a mother I contradict myself at every turn.
-It's too early for sugar, yet I have my morning coffee with something sweet.
-I yell out at our kids to "stop yelling".
-While applying my make-up, my girls are always asking to wear some and I always say, "you are beautiful with out make-up, you don’t ever need to wear any"- as I'm trying to make myself up!
-“Don’t run in the house, you’re going to slip and break your head”. What makes running outside any safer? In fact it seems the injury would probably be worse outside.
-I often catch myself saying "will you stop being silly". HELLO they are KIDS, which means they are going to act silly!
Here’s my vice, which I can’t help and don’t think I’ll ever change. I tell them (well, at least Lexi): “You need to sleep in your bed all night”. I secretly love when they come to cuddle with me and I won't turn them away.
I open my eyes, it feels like I just closed them, but in reality it’s the twilight of the night. There is a dark and quiet calmness that has settled in the house. I feel a presence around that awakens me from the stillness of my slumber. I slowly open my eyes. My little girl, with her eyes barely opened- talking in tongues, tells me “mommy can I sleep with you?” I know I should take her little hand, walk her back to her bed, give her a gentle kiss on the forehead and tell her everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you. Instead, I pick her up, lay her next to me, give her a gentle kiss on the cheek and tell her, everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you.
I’m sure no matter how much effort is put forth, I know it will happen on many more occasions. It seems for me, motherhood is a series contradictions and cover-ups that at least for now seem to be in the best interest of my children…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)